Day 34

It's been a little while since I've last posted, but don't fret, I'm still going strong. This week seems to have been a hectic one, with work keeping me busy most of the days. Haven't really had any big urges, except for one day, I think it was Thursday night I just really felt like googling pretty women. I'm kinda surprised how well I've been doing. I mean as far as the urge, that almost always is gonna be there, but the feeling inside when you consciously turn down the urge. For me it just seems to be getting stronger, which is a good sign. It is becoming easier and easier to "just say no." I'm finally past the first month, the first of many I hope. I'm getting close to my previous record, and I'm excited. I hope you are staying strong as well.

Day 29

Tomorrow will be 30 days. I'm feeling great about this. I've been somewhat tempted recently, not so much to look at porn, but to look at "racy" pictures of attractive women. I'm trying my best to resist, and succeeding for the moment. I know there is nothing inherently wrong with this, but I don't want to start going in the wrong direction after almost a month of solid hard work. This past weekend was good. Had some fun with some friends, and the rest was pretty mundane. Work has been keeping me busy, which is always good. I've been doing better at not only taking control of my actions, but my thoughts as well. I found that in the past I might have stopped looking at porn for a season, but if I was still having ill thoughts then what was it worth? I need to keep a pure mind and a pure heart. I need to have thoughts for my wife and her alone. By the end of this week I will have reached 1/3 of my goal, which is huge. I'm inching closer and closer to freedom with each day. I hope you are too, and if not, then today's always a good day to start. Stay strong.

Day 25

Haven't really had any real urges lately, and I'm a quarter of the way to my goal. Awesome. Seems that when I go to bed at the same time as my wife, that kills like 80% of my temptation. I know, sounds so simple and obvious, and I should always be going to bed with my wife, but things don't always work out the way we plan. Anyways, I'm just glad that I've been able to keep my mind on more important matters. We recently got our tax refund, and my wife and I have been making several renovations to our house. I just need to keep my self occupied. As the old saying goes, "Idle hands are the Devil's playground." That couldn't be more true. I don't know how many times I've found myself "bored" and just decided to surf the web for whatever I could find. I think it is important to not be bored. Stay busy. Find a new hobby. Get off the computer every once in a while. It's one of the easiest ways to cut off bad situations at the root. I'm praying for you, me and everyone else in our difficult struggle.

Day 22

I'm past 3 weeks! That is certainly good news. This past weekend was great. Had a few somewhat fancy plans with my wife, and overall we had a great time. No time for temptations or urges really. Today is the start of my 4th work week without porn, and I'm feeling good. While today is a holiday, it looks like I'll still be doing some work. Oh well. It will keep me busy. Not much else to say at the moment. I'm just feeling good and as long as looking at porn doesn't really cross my mind I find myself in victory. I hope you are doing well if you are in my shoes.

Side Note: Tools Against Porn

I've been thinking about some stuff, and I think there are certain little tools out there that we can use in our struggle to drop porn. One thing that used to happen in the past for me was that every once in a while I would come across an advertisement that was sexually suggestive. When my brother got caught surfing for porn on the family computer, I think he even used the excuse that "it was a pop up." Around the time Myspace started getting big, these ads for a website called "True," an online dating service, starting popping up, and 99% of them had voluptuous women in suggestive poses. Back in the day this didn't make things any easier on yours truly who was severely struggling with porn. Anyways, there exists a simple tool to get rid of ads forever: Adblock Plus. If you have firefox (which you should; it is vastly superior to Internet Explorer), it's a simple add-on you can install, and once up and running will stop all ads on all sites from loading. Not only does this make pages load faster and more pleaseant to view, but it eliminates those few ads that do give us bad ideas. Since using it I've almost forgotten about internet ads altogether. If I come across any other tools that can help in this way, you can be sure that I will post them here.

Day 19

So close to 20 days without porn! It feels good. I went running again this morning. Felt nice to get the endorphins kicking again. It's actually only the second time I've worked out since Monday. Monday's exercise left me insanely sore. I couldn't even walk straight on Tuesday. Still hurting a little today, but it was important to go running again. Last night was good. I went to bed at the same time as my wife, so that eliminated a decent chunk of potential temptation. This weekend will be fun with Valentine's day and all. I've got some stuff planned, and if it goes well it will be great. Hopefully everything else will be pretty mild and when I come back to write on Monday it will be 3 weeks! Stay strong.

Day 18

Things have been a bit rough these past few days. I've had some strong urges lately, and it's been tough to resist temptation. It's just so easy to fall back into. I keep putting myself in stupid situations. I need to stop playing games so late. After I'm done playing, it's usually like 1 or 2 in the morning, my wife is asleep, and it's easy to go wherever my mind wanders on the internet that late at night. I've found myself googling random pretty celebrities. I don't know why. It's not porn, but I just enjoy looking at really pretty women, which isn't necessarily bad, but like I've said so many times it's a step in the wrong direction. Last night I was googling for a while, and before I knew it my googling somehow led to asian bikini models. I know. I turned off my pc shortly thereafter and went to bed. I need to cut that off before it gets any more serious and I fall hard again. What sucks is that sometimes I'll start googling and this feeling of apathy comes over me, like I know I'm trying to quit porn, but hey, if it happens then whatever. That is not good. I can't be apathetic towards this struggle that has been in my life for so long. I need to realize that it's more severe than I make it to be sometimes. I need to make a better effort to go to bed at the same time that my wife does. During the day things have been good though. I have been focused for the most part. Work has been keeping me busy, minimizing the time I have to do mush else. Anyway, I'm almost half way to my previous attempt, so I have to press forward. I hate building up all this momentum and just throwing it all away like I did last time. I've got to have my eyes on the prize! The rest of today should be ok. If I find myself in the midst of a strong urge, I need to come back here to write about it to get it off my chest.

Day 15

I'm past the 2 week mark, and that is definitely a nice landmark. As I get more and more weeks under my belt, I look forward to my ill desire slowly but surely fading away. Things have been good lately. This past weekend was fun; did a little bit of hanging out with some friends. It was nice to get out of the house despite our tight budget right now. Haven't really had any major urges right now. This morning marked the first time in a while that I made a decent attempt to start working out again. I went jogging for a bit, and now my legs are killing me. I've been needing to start my workout regimen again, and now that I've done something it feels good. I think this is another step in finding something to do to occupy my time. Plus I think the endorphins help with urges. I feel so much better about myself after a work out and that makes it that much harder to look at porn. Well off to more work. I may not get to write tomorrow, but just know that things are going good for me, and if I can make it this far then surely you can too.

Day 12

End of the second work week without porn, and it feels good. As I go through the various websites that I frequent, I continue to find the occasional skimpy link, which offers a slight bit of temptation, but I have not given in. I know that even the slightest kink in my plan will eventually lead to failure. I feel good right now. I feel focused. Things are going good in life. Just finished my taxes, and we're getting a pretty nice return. God has definitely been blessing our family despite current economic situations. The least I can do in return is honor him and my wife by trying my best to remain as pure as possible. I hope that if you're reading this, and you're in the same boat, things are going good for you too. This weekend looks to be a tame one, but I need to make sure to enjoy it. The daily grind can become insanely life-draining if you don't learn to take a good break every now and again. Perhaps my wife and I will go out and do something fun. It'll be nice to get out of the house. I'll try to write again this weekend, but if not, I will definitely be back here on Monday.

Day 10

Things have been going good. Work seems to be keeping me busier than usual, which is always a good thing. I've made it to my first double-digit day! A small landmark in the right direction. Although I haven't had any major urges, I have been having a slight problem. For whatever reason, a couple of times a month I wake up and am extremely horny. I think it has to do with the dreams I had the previous night, most of which I can't remember anyway. My wife is usually off to work, which eliminates the option to have gratification in a legitimate way. In the past, when I have woken up in this situation, I simply went to the computer first thing out of bed and looked at porn to get it out of my system. It has been a little tough to resist falling back into old habits, especially that one. By refusing to give in, I think I'm chopping away at this one side of my porn addiction. If I can find more of these old habits that led to nothing fruitful, and eliminate those as well, I don't think it will be long before I reach my goal of 100 days.

Day 8

The 8th day of my second attempt, and still going strong. I've been having a few small urges, but nothing I haven't been able to handle. I think it mostly comes out of putting myself in a few bad situations. Every once in a while I'll play some video games late into the night, at which point my wife is asleep and I'm on the computer in the wee hours of the morning. I know it's not the best situation to be in, and I need to try to stay out of it as much as possible. I've been trying to go to bed/wake up earlier, so that this does not become an issue in the future. I know that as soon as this attempt reaches around 30 days, the urges/thoughts will get smaller and smaller, as I have experienced from my previous attempts. I know I can do it. Things are good right now. I also need to make it a point to pray/read my Bible more. I know some may not look to God in times of trouble and temptation, but it really helps me. The way I see it, the more good stuff I put into myself, the less room there is for anything else. It's easier said than done, but it's another thing on my list.