Day 60

It's been 10 days since my last post, and I suppose that can be a good and bad thing. On one hand, I need to keep writing to stay accountable and get things off my chest. On the other, I haven't really been thinking about looking at porn or writing about not looking at porn, so that is good in a sense. Last week was extremely hectic, with hardly any time to myself, so that is one reason why I haven't updated recently. And this week, well, I just got a new video game and it's been taking up a lot of my time. Hehe. But less time alone on the comp is always good. I feel great. We've been going to church more regularly now, and before when I was in my porn phase, I hated going to church because I would feel so guilty. I felt like I was living a lie. But now when we go, I feel so good, like I'm honoring God and my wife, and I have nothing to hide. It's great. Life is pretty good right now. I hope things are going ok for you too.

Day 50

That's right, Day 50!! Woohoo!! I'm am officially half way to my goal, and things are great. Porn and/or racy photographs haven't really crossed my mind lately, which is always a good thing. It's crazy to think that it has been 7 weeks since I stopped looking at porn! I've been wanting to get this far for a long time, and now that I'm finally here I need to keep moving forward. This week is going to be good. I've got a few things going on that are really going to keep me busy and make it difficult to look at anything. Well I have to get back to work. Lots of things to do. I hope if you are struggling that you decide to start a blog or tell someone about your problem if you haven't already. I'm praying for you, me, and everyone who is sharing in our problem. Good luck.

Day 47

I've really been struggling lately. There have been a couple of nights this past week where I stayed up late, and as usual it was a recipe for disaster. I didn't look at porn, but I did look at some suggestive photos. I was browsing my usual sites, and at one site I noticed an ad for American Apparel that somehow slipped through my ad block plus. If you don't know about American Apparel, just know that their advertising is pretty suggestive. And by suggestive I mean down right sexual at times. Anyway, I clicked the ad and before I knew it I was looking at the model photo collections with the models in skimpy outfits and suggestive poses. Sadly I went back there the next night, and it almost felt like I was looking at porn. You know that feeling, of when you find something and you just keep going back to it. I felt dirty and ashamed, and it wasn't even porn! Crazy. Needless to say I haven't gone back to said site, and I'm feeling better about it. I never thought I'd feel this way about simply looking at racy photos. It wasn't even that long ago when pornographic images weren't quite doing it for me anymore. I needed videos, and I'm glad that didn't last very long. Well the weekend is almost already here. Other than my brief stumble the week has been good. Looking forward to Monday, day 50! Exciting stuff.

Day 43

I feel like today is an important day because I've finally matched my last recorded attempt, and I'm showing no signs of turning back. Needless to say things are going pretty good with the wife. Not only have I been keeping my hand and eyes pure by not looking at porn, I've been trying my best to keep the purest mind, and I think I've been doing a lot better than I was when looking at porn. It's almost like a whole other world. I use to hate thinking about keeping "secrets," since I had a big one to hide. I thought of how embarrassing it would if some of my friends/family found out about my problem. I was paranoid about anyone getting on my computer. But all of that is gone. One week from today I will hit the middle of my goal, which I don't think I've ever done before. I don't know how long exactly my best attempt was since I looked at porn, but I'm pretty sure I'm getting close to beating that personal record if I haven't already. I am excited to hit day 100, even though it is still a ways off. I don't want to get ahead of myself though. I know things can still happen in the future, things I may not see coming, that may make things harder. I can't get cocky or proud or too sure of myself. I need to be humble and thank God that he has helped me get this far and pray that he helps me and others in my shows to continue through this difficult struggle.

Day 39

Tomorrow is Day 40! So close to beating my last attempt. Things are good in the life of this quitter. Been feeling a few temptations, but like I said in my last post, it's been easier and easier to turn down. I've stayed up kinda late a couple of nights this week, and while the thought has crossed my mind of looking up something racy, I've just felt this feeling, almost of disgust at doing such a thing. It's weird. I feel farther and farther away from the desire to look at porn. I was thinking the other day about how good it feels, and one of the best parts about it is that when I would look at porn, the worst feeling was towards my wife, just feeling that I had let her down. That shame felt terrible, and just knowing that I don't have to deal with that is one of the best things about this whole quitting process. Tomorrow should be a great day, as should this weekend. I hope you are still going strong.

Day 36

Just a quick update since I'm about to jump into a game session. heh. Things are going good. Life is great, and I'm a few days away from day 40. My eye is on the prize. I've had a few temptations lately, but I've resisted and felt great about doing so. The idea of looking at porn is becoming harder and harder to grasp at, which I am very happy about. I'll be on later this week. Stay strong in this difficult struggle.