Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Day 101

Well I did it. Yesterday, the great day of Cinco De Mayo, I hit 100 days without porn. Insane. Last year I tried a few times to reach this goal and it didn't work out so great. I don't know what it was about this time. It felt so easy; so natural. I've kind of become apathetic about the blog now. I know this milestone is a great one, but the thoughts of porn and updating my blog on my thoughts of porn have long since left my mind. I've been busy with a ton of other things in my life, but I suppose that is a good thing. In the end, I want to say that if I can do it, so can you. If this is your stuggle as well, there is hope. One of the most important things I can stress is DO SOMETHING ELSE. Get away from the computer. Take up a hobby. Stay busy. Idle hands are the Devil's playground as they like to say. Anyways, I'll probably be updating the blog periodically as I please. Definitely if the struggle comes back.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Day 85

I haven't written in my blog in the longest gap now, and I feel kinda bad. I think the blog really kept me going in February, and while I am still going strong I have had a few days where I struggled a bit. Whether it was looking at scantily clad women or just googling pretty faces I felt like I was heading in the wrong direction in a journey that has taken me so far. I think this is the longest I've gone without porn in the past 5 years.

The other day my wife was surfing the internet on my computer and she asked if we still had the internet filter we had purchased about a year prior. I told her that it had expired a while ago. She asked if I still needed it, and I proudly responded no. I told her that I felt proud to not have to really on a program to not look at websites that I really don't need to. She was happy, I was happy, it was a nice moment. And now only 15 days away from day 100, I feel good about my journey. I've been doing my best to keep not only my actions but my thoughts pure. I want my convictions to be even higher than they have ever been. I can't let little things like looking at scandalous pictures slide anymore. Because it's not porn I sometimes think to myself, "hey, it won't really hurt." When in actuality it really does. Anyway, just know that I'm still here. I'm going to try to write more often in the closing 15 days of my long journey, and I'll definitely write something on May 5th, my 100th day without porn. Here's looking forward to it.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Day 71

I'm in my seventies now. Insane. Sorry I haven't been writing regularly. I was really keeping up well in February it seems, and didn't write much last month, and this is the first entry of this month. I'm still going strong though. I did have a bit of a struggle at one point last week: I was perusing the internet when I decided to go to the sports illustrated website. Not a good idea. I looked a few bikini clad women before I called it quits. I think the whole idea of sports illustrated is kinda silly now. haha. It seems like they have "the annual swimsuit issue" a few times a year now. Whatever. It was a minor stumble, but nothing that led to anything major. The though of looking or searching for naked women now is pretty far from me, which I am proud of. I don't wanna get cocky about it, but I think I've looked at less porn this year than I did in November of 2008, which is a huge step in the right direction. I still have about a month to go before I hit my goal, which leaves me wondering "what next?" Well I'm not sure. I think after I hit 100 days, I'll continue to write the occasional blog post, but I suppose the next major milestone would be an entire year without pornography. Sounds daunting, but I know it's not impossible. Anyways, if you are trying to quit or are thinking about trying to quit, just know that if I can do it then you certainly can. Also, to those wondering what game I was playing the past couple of weeks, it was the new pokemon. :P I hadn't played one in a while, and an old friend wanted to get it so we could battle. It felt like middle school all over again. I'm pretty much done with that game now though, and looking for a new one. Any suggestions?

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Day 60

It's been 10 days since my last post, and I suppose that can be a good and bad thing. On one hand, I need to keep writing to stay accountable and get things off my chest. On the other, I haven't really been thinking about looking at porn or writing about not looking at porn, so that is good in a sense. Last week was extremely hectic, with hardly any time to myself, so that is one reason why I haven't updated recently. And this week, well, I just got a new video game and it's been taking up a lot of my time. Hehe. But less time alone on the comp is always good. I feel great. We've been going to church more regularly now, and before when I was in my porn phase, I hated going to church because I would feel so guilty. I felt like I was living a lie. But now when we go, I feel so good, like I'm honoring God and my wife, and I have nothing to hide. It's great. Life is pretty good right now. I hope things are going ok for you too.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Day 50

That's right, Day 50!! Woohoo!! I'm am officially half way to my goal, and things are great. Porn and/or racy photographs haven't really crossed my mind lately, which is always a good thing. It's crazy to think that it has been 7 weeks since I stopped looking at porn! I've been wanting to get this far for a long time, and now that I'm finally here I need to keep moving forward. This week is going to be good. I've got a few things going on that are really going to keep me busy and make it difficult to look at anything. Well I have to get back to work. Lots of things to do. I hope if you are struggling that you decide to start a blog or tell someone about your problem if you haven't already. I'm praying for you, me, and everyone who is sharing in our problem. Good luck.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Day 47

I've really been struggling lately. There have been a couple of nights this past week where I stayed up late, and as usual it was a recipe for disaster. I didn't look at porn, but I did look at some suggestive photos. I was browsing my usual sites, and at one site I noticed an ad for American Apparel that somehow slipped through my ad block plus. If you don't know about American Apparel, just know that their advertising is pretty suggestive. And by suggestive I mean down right sexual at times. Anyway, I clicked the ad and before I knew it I was looking at the model photo collections with the models in skimpy outfits and suggestive poses. Sadly I went back there the next night, and it almost felt like I was looking at porn. You know that feeling, of when you find something and you just keep going back to it. I felt dirty and ashamed, and it wasn't even porn! Crazy. Needless to say I haven't gone back to said site, and I'm feeling better about it. I never thought I'd feel this way about simply looking at racy photos. It wasn't even that long ago when pornographic images weren't quite doing it for me anymore. I needed videos, and I'm glad that didn't last very long. Well the weekend is almost already here. Other than my brief stumble the week has been good. Looking forward to Monday, day 50! Exciting stuff.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Day 43

I feel like today is an important day because I've finally matched my last recorded attempt, and I'm showing no signs of turning back. Needless to say things are going pretty good with the wife. Not only have I been keeping my hand and eyes pure by not looking at porn, I've been trying my best to keep the purest mind, and I think I've been doing a lot better than I was when looking at porn. It's almost like a whole other world. I use to hate thinking about keeping "secrets," since I had a big one to hide. I thought of how embarrassing it would if some of my friends/family found out about my problem. I was paranoid about anyone getting on my computer. But all of that is gone. One week from today I will hit the middle of my goal, which I don't think I've ever done before. I don't know how long exactly my best attempt was since I looked at porn, but I'm pretty sure I'm getting close to beating that personal record if I haven't already. I am excited to hit day 100, even though it is still a ways off. I don't want to get ahead of myself though. I know things can still happen in the future, things I may not see coming, that may make things harder. I can't get cocky or proud or too sure of myself. I need to be humble and thank God that he has helped me get this far and pray that he helps me and others in my shows to continue through this difficult struggle.