Day 2

So I was unable to post yesterday. A couple of days out of the week it is hard to get on the computer alone, but for the most part it is easy. I suppose that's where part of the problem arises: too much time alone with a computer. Unfortunately it is what my job demands, so rather than put a barrier between myself and alone time on the computer, I need to exercise self-control.

I've tried a few methods of quitting pornography in the past, one of those being an internet filter. While that does work for a bit, eventually the desire to bypass the filter becomes so great that I figure out a way. I know that's bad on my part, but I think part of the time I would do it for the sheer satisfaction of being "smarter" than the program. I would much rather have control without the filter though. The reason for this is that even if I stopped looking at porn for a good period of time with a filter, once the filter is removed the temptation becomes too great. I've experienced this first hand. I don't want to have an internet filter on my computer for the rest of my life. Not only is it embarrassing and costly, but it's a crutch that I need to live without.

Yesterday was a good day in terms of desires for pornography. No desires really, a good day overall. Today has been going good so far. I haven't had any urges, and I'm really psyching myself out to feel that I need to earnestly TRY to stop, not just say I'm going to stop and say "oops" when I mess up, which has happened too many times in the past. One thing that does suck is that a few of the sites I regularly visit have the occasional picture of a scantily clad woman on them. Luckily the articles don't show much unless you click on them. Self-control comes into play again. I need to be able to be OK when something like that comes up, whether it be on a website or in a movie that my wife and I are watching, I need to just shrug it off, instead of pursuing it further.

Anyways, I'm feeling pretty good about this journey so far. The path to top is a difficult one, and I'm prepared. The day that I have a really strong urge will be one that truly tests me. Hopefully I will be prepared on that day with the correct response.