It Begins

There was a time where, amazingly, I didn't struggle with pornography at all. That period was high school believe it or not. My sophomore through senior year I didn't have the slightest desire to look at porn. And even if I did, it wouldn't have been easy with the computer in the family room, 6 people in the house, and at least one person home at all times. Then I moved out for college, and everything changed. I suddenly had my own place, my own computer, and I was severely bored. I found myself curious with my new found freedom, and I saw no consequences before me.

Fast forward 4 years. I am now married, in my own house, and while I am sexually satisfied by wife, I find myself slipping every now and again for stupid reasons. I have tried several times to completely quit since starting to look at porn after high school, but I would say that since moving out on my own I haven't gone 4 months without looking at porn. I want to go a whole year. I know that goal is huge and seemingly impossible at the moment, but I want to tackle it in stages. My first goal is to make it to 100 days without looking at porn.

I had a great attempt earlier this year: On my birthday I decided to try and quit, and my attempt lasted about 2 months, probably my longest period without porn for some time. After stumbling again, I didn't even try not to look, I just did whatever I felt like. I need to take control of my urges, my thoughts, and my actions. Lately I've felt a huge sense of apathy: I just don't care if I look. What does it matter? Well it matters for a lot of reasons. First of all, it goes against what I believe at a Christian. Second of all, it goes against my wife. And third of all, it is a HUGE waste of time. I find it really easy to lose track of time when searching for that "perfect porn."

Earlier this year, in my search for porn I stumbled upon a blog. This blog really inspired me in that the writer was trying to quit pornography himself. He had been trying for a couple of years to reach 100 days without porn, and this past Thanksgiving Day, he reached his goal. He gave a lot of good advice, and one of those tips was to start a journal about trying to quit. Well here I am. I am going for the 100 days! I almost want to start on New Year's Day, but I am here now, so I might as well go for it. Tomorrow will mark the beginning of my first day of my first cataloged attempt to quit pornography. I know it is going to be a difficult struggle, but I am prepared. The aforementioned blogger wrote about how his desires for porn really decreased in the closing days of his journey, and that is something that I am really looking forward to. I want the thought of porn to cross my mind and my reaction to be "Not even a chance."